Learned Happiness

Movin' On Up

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 09:34:20 -0400

Wondering where I went? Looking for Part 2 of my Antenatal Depression story?

I’ve moved over to Wordpress - You can find me at learnedhappiness.wordpress.com. Same ol’ me, new and improved. Or for now, at least new. It’s still a work in progress…I have yet to move over my banner and some of the links in old posts still come back here to Tumblr. But so far I’m loving it. Won’t you please join me?

p.s. Don’t forget to update your subscription and reader. =)

Antenatal Depression, Part 1 - The Steep Descent

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:22:00 -0400

***You can find Antenatal Depression, Part 2 - Where Do I Go From Here? over at the new Learned Happiness site on Wordpress.***

It’s been 10 weeks and 5 days since my last post. 75 days since I carved time out just for myself…to think, reflect, and write. I’ve been away so long, the tumblr dashboard interface has changed and I have no idea what the new little icons mean. I’d be disappointed with myself except that I needed the break, and though there are many things I don’t do well, self-acceptance has become an area of strength for me (thanks to years of therapy).

So what the hell happened? Um, well…remember when I went to Vegas with my husband and had the time of my life? Turns out we brought back a little more than memories. Yup. Pregnant. With a Vegas baby.

My first reaction to the two little pink lines? Giggles. Joy. And more giggles.

I think hubby’s first reaction was to enjoy the humor of the situation. Love him for that.

We had JUST discussed how we weren’t quite ready for another baby. We didn’t feel unready (is that even a word?)…we were just so happy with the routine we had settled into. DoodleBug had gotten to this great independent stage, my music studio was taking off, he got into Harvard’s doctoral program. We wanted to have everything be predictable for a while.

Then BAM! Actions have consequences, apparently. Little tiny consequences that cry and poop…and cry some more.

But still we looked at the pink lines together and giggled. We smiled at the idea of having a child created from a fun-filled weekend of love and a happy marriage. Although nervous and justifiably freaked out, we were excited. There’s a Jack Johnson song that says, “You gotta be careful when you’ve got good lovin’, ‘cause those angels will just keep on multiplying.” That’s exactly how I felt. Until week 7.

Mother’s Day came and the weather was gorgeous. Hubby treated me like a queen and we had a glorious weekend, filled with playing outside and snuggling on the couch with movies. And I felt numb. “Uh-oh,” I thought. But I didn’t want to overreact. Anyone who has ever suffered from a mood disorder knows that you are always waiting for that other shoe to drop - for relapse to take you down again. Every little mood swing can be terrifying. So I waited…to see if it was just a bad day…if it was just the hormones.

Then the tears started, and they didn’t stop. Along with the morning sickness, the lethargy, and the headaches, I found myself profoundly overwhelmed and hopeless. I told my husband I just wanted everything back the way it was…that I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. These thoughts horrified me, because I still wanted the baby…but not at the cost of my sanity, my family, or my happiness. The anxiety crept back into my inner monologue, frightening me with images of DB being left as an only child because of a childbirth complication, or Hubby leaving me because he couldn’t deal with another round of PPD. I had secretly hoped that although I had to stop the mood stabilizer, that the pregnancy hormones would help keep me stable and I was frustrated that the mood swings and depression came back. When I started to feel responsible for them…when I started to hear myself thinking “if you were only a stronger person, this wouldn’t be happening,” I knew I needed to call my doctor.

She recommended an SSRI. One that I had been on previously, after DB was born, which had pretty good results. But oh, the side effects. Headache (head-pounding), nausea (you know…in addition to morning sickness), insomnia (mama’s mean when she hasn’t slept), decreased libido (I know, I know. Who wants to have sex in their first trimester anyway? But still.), and lethargy (otherwise known as zombie-brain). These would be my reality for some, if not all of my time on the meds, and I wouldn’t know which of these lovely door prizes would be mine until I bit the bullet and gave the meds a try. After agreeing to fill the prescription and talk to my husband, I drove home in a bit of a daze. I didn’t want to need the meds. I didn’t want to deal with the side effects. And if I did need them, I wanted to wait until the second trimester. Fear and anxiety were spinning though my brain. My soul started to ache…a familiar feeling I never wanted to know again.

Mostly, I think I was just panicking at the thought of going through hell again. PPD is an ugly beast. Recovering from it is a fight - and it’s a long one, requiring patience, inner-strength, and flexibility. I didn’t know if I had it in me again.

I sat on the floor in my living room and sobbed.

***Please join me for Antenatal Depression, Part 2 - Where Do I Go From Here? next week. I promise you hope, fist pumping, and ultrasound pictures. But mostly, hope.***

I'll be back...

Tue, 17 May 2011 09:56:50 -0400

Really, I will. When I’m not sneezing all over my also-sick two year old. When I’m not overwhelmed with lesson reschedules and meals I don’t have time to cook. After weeks of doctors appointments are all done.

In the meanwhile, enjoy this little blast from the past…

Happy Mother's Day

Sun, 08 May 2011 09:00:06 -0400

I’m honored to be participating in the Postpartum Progress Mother’s Day Rally for Moms’ Mental Health. The fact that I’m even in a place where I can participate is amazing to me - because 2 years ago, I thought I’d never be myself again…never be happy again. And yet here I am, being challenged daily by my willful toddler, still working through my anxiety, but happy. Joyful. Grateful. Myself.

If you haven’t already, please click on over to the rally. There will be a new letter every hour, with messages of hope for moms everywhere. I know for many of the writers, sharing their story hasn’t been easy, and your support (and comments!) will mean the world.

If you’re visiting from Postpartum Progress, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I just starting writing a few months ago to shake the last bit of shame out of my mind, to share what it’s like to live with an anxiety disorder; to show that you can survive PPD, get saddled with a life-long mental health diagnosis, and still thrive as a parent…and a person. It’s a work in progress, but putting my truth out there for (potentially) everyone to read has so far been a great experience and I look forward to seeing where blogging takes me.

More About the Rally

Why I Write About Mental Health

On Explaining Anxiety to Friends and Family

Living with Mood Swings

How Therapy Changed My Life

Fear of Passing Anxiety on to My Daughter

Learned Helplessness…and Learned Happiness

I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. One filled with love and joy.

My first Mother’s Day, two years ago. When I look at this...

Sat, 07 May 2011 14:38:42 -0400

My first Mother’s Day, two years ago. When I look at this photo, I see someone starting to get herself back, but still not relaxed….not truly happy. It’s bittersweet.

Mother’s Day, one year ago. What a difference a year can...

Sat, 07 May 2011 14:38:22 -0400

Mother’s Day, one year ago. What a difference a year can make. Can’t wait to take a photo tomorrow.

Mother's Day Rally

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 17:36:17 -0400

I’ve been asked to participate in something life-changing. Over a year ago, when I was still digging myself out of the hole PPD left in my life, I stumbled across Katherine Stone’s blog, Postpartum Progress. Katherine started Postpartum Progress after surviving Postpartum OCD with her first child. It is now the most widely-read blog on postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, and Katherine’s full-time job. While the blog’s endless resources are amazing, it’s Katherine who is really changing lives. She’s managed to create a safe place for women touched by postpartum mental health issues to connect - a community of understanding and support. Women who are currently battling for their mental health turn there for help. Survivors turn there for a sense of belonging. And new moms read it to gain perspective on what life as a mother can be…and what it doesn’t have to be. Her website was instrumental in helping me really heal. She was the one who showed me how not alone I really was. She contributed to my HOPE.

For the third year in a row, she is holding a Mother’s Day Rally. Each hour on Sunday, May 8th, she will post a different letter from survivors and experts, honoring mothers everywhere and advocating for mothers’ emotional heath. I am honored to be participating and so grateful for the opportunity to reach out to other moms - to give back to the community that gave me so much.

I hope you will join me on Mother’s Day over at Postpartum Progress. Stand with me as I use my truth to combat stigma and shame. Come celebrate and honor mothers everywhere by spreading awareness and understanding of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. It’s the best Mother’s Day gift I can think of.

I don’t think anyone else appreciates the return of the...

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 10:02:00 -0400

I don’t think anyone else appreciates the return of the sun like our cat.

Smorgasbord Sunday

Sun, 24 Apr 2011 11:07:24 -0400

Today is the first day it’s been gorgeous outside. The perfect New England spring day, hard-earned during those four months of interminable snow. The perfect day for grilling that BBQ chicken. What’s that? I was supposed to cook that on Friday? Oops.

I have to come clean and admit that there is rarely a week in which all the meals from the menu are made on the correct day. But the beauty of shopping for a week’s worth of dinners is that you have all your supplies on hand and can move meals around depending on your needs. Say, for example, that your toddler ~~has suddenly sprouted pointy horns and her head is spinning around on her neck~~ is teething. Or it’s been raining all week (it totally did, and it sucked). Or you have friends over for an impromptu dinner party. Being able to pull a nice casserole out of your pantry supplies is a beautiful thing.

So, I can’t tell you how the BBQ Chicken recipe turned out, ‘cause it’s only 10 in the morning. But I premade the sauce and it’s amazing. The Minestrone Soup was excellent, as promised by Krissa. I rarely finish an entire bowl of soup (I get full…or bored…I dunno) but there was not a drop left. We added some rotisserie chicken reheated from the freezer the second night. Super-yummy.

DH will be out of town for half of this week. Makes meal planning very interesting. This is why I make big portions of food and deep-freeze…for weeks like this.

Don’t forget to link up below!

This Week’s Menu

Monday - Leftover BBQ Chicken, Veggies
Tuesday - Black Bean Soup (from the freezer) and Quesadillas
Wednesday -Leftover Casserole, Salad
Thursday - Whole Wheat Pasta, Leftover Sauce, Steamed Carrots
Friday - Frozen Pizza, Salad
Saturday - Chipotle Lime Shrimp, Salad with Chipotle Vinaigrette. The gazpacho part of this recipe is just okay. Maybe I’m just not into gazpacho. But the shrimp are to die for - if you like spicy food. We’ll have ours with some crusty bread, and a quick salad with a dressing made from red wine vinegar, olive oil (3:1 oil-to-vinegar ratio), chipotle pepper, some salt, and garlic powder. I give it a quick ride in the small bowl of my food processor.
Sunday - Leftovers

Humble Pie

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 10:03:16 -0400

When I gathered all of DB’s clothes and tossed them in the hamper, I prided myself on getting chores done so early in the morning. When I added her sopping wet overnight diaper to the hamper to make carrying everything downstairs easier, I thought to myself, “Way to multitask! Better remember to take this out and throw it in the trash.” As I loaded the toddler clothes and the kitchen laundry into the washer, I felt oh-so-productive.

And now? Now that the washer AND dryer AND all her clothes are covered in that super-absorbent gel from the inside of the diaper that never went into the trash? Now I feel like an idiot.

And as all that laundry goes back into the washer for a second time, I’m wondering if I’ll have to rinse every single piece of it by hand. That shit sticks to everything.

p.s. Does this count as my HAWMC free write? =)

Smorgasbord Sunday

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 19:50:12 -0400

So thankful that spring is finally here! We took the grill out of storage and I can’t wait for the new army of meal choices that comes with summer grilling. Beer Can Chicken…Lime Chipotle Shrimp…Honey Glazed Salmon. Yum. Can you grill a PB&J? I might just try. ;)

We did great with our leftovers this week - and groceries only totaled $67. I must have planned the pre-vacation shopping pretty well. It’s so nice when something works out like you hope it will. You know, ‘cause that happens so rarely. If anyone’s really missing the grocery list, holler at me. Otherwise, I think we’ll trudge on without.

I’m excited that Krissa over at More Then Mundane has been linking up her recipes! We’re huge asparagus fans in this house, so this week, I’m looking forward to her Spring Minestrone with Brown Rice.

DoodleBug was invited to an Easter egg hunt at a friends’ so we spent Friday afternoon baking muffins. We love our muffins around here. When DB was about 18 months old, she some how became confused and called them “mondays”…for about 6 months. Bitter-sweet when she finally started using the right word. We made these Apple Muffins this week with a few modifications. I used 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup organic whole wheat flour. I feel less guilty that way. I also thinly sliced apple pieces to top each muffin before adding on the strudel topping. Delish.

Here are this week’s meals and recipes! Don’t forget to link up your meal list or recipe below! There’s a cute Easter egg hunt picture in it for you!

This Week’s Menu

Tuesday - Spring Minestrone with Brown Rice - Looks so easy and since our spring days are still a little chilly here in the Northeast, it’s just the ticket. I’m planning on making some grilled cheese sandwiches with a little sliced chicken just to make sure we get in our protein this week.
Wednesday - Spinach and Cheese Ravioli (The frozen stuff, people. This is a busy night)
Thursday - Leftovers
Friday - Grilled BBQ Chicken with Corn Bread and Steamed Veggies - A new recipe from BBQ Tips Galore. The details on this site for grilling are excellent. The cornbread recipe is the one I suggested for the vegetable stew. It’s moist and not too sweet. So good! Have I mentioned that grilled chicken leftovers make the best chicken salad sandwiches the next day? I have a good recipe for that too…another day.
Saturday - Southwest King Casserole from the Whole Foods Market Cookbook. I’ve made this twice. Once it was one of the best things I’ve ever cooked. And then the second time it was just blah. I think we used the second batch as enchilada filling pretty successfully, but it just wasn’t very good on its own. The key? You’ve gotta find some tomatillo salsa. And substitute corn flour tortillas for corn tortillas. The corn tortillas just turned to mush while the corn flour tortillas ended up crispy on the outside and smooth inside. You can either just bake some chicken breasts in the oven before chopping for the recipe…or if you’re strapped for time, a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken works well, too. Freezes like a dream.
Sunday - Leftovers - We still have Black Bean Soup leftover from last week. And between the casserole and the BBQ Chicken, I think we’ll be set.

p.s. I’ll figure out how to center these images if it’s the last thing I do…

Las Vegas Blues

Fri, 15 Apr 2011 09:53:00 -0400

I wish I had photos from our trip to Las Vegas. Despite the fact that they would all be embarrassing, I would absolutely post them with pride - because we had a great time. We let loose. We partied like we hadn’t in a decade. And I’m not one bit ashamed of any of it. Maybe that means I didn’t party as hard as I think I did, but I’m the mom of a toddler. The bar was set pretty low.

Our last day was spent having a two-hour lunch at Olive’s while watching the Bellagio fountains from a veranda. We layed out in the sun, and I got to feel like a goddess in my little purple bikini bought just for the trip. We went to a seriously terrible buffet at Terribles with the inlaws (thanks for dinner, guys!) and watched Penn and Teller turn coins into goldfish before boarding the plane to come home that night. It was an amazing, indulgent day.

Again, I took no pictures. But this was our view from lunch. Thanks, google image search!

Is it any wonder that upon returning home to four loads of laundry, a needy cat and toddler, and a messy house that both the hubby and I gave each other a look that said “Seriously? Can we go back?” In Vegas, I didn’t wash dishes. I didn’t have to wipe anyone’s butt (Okay, except for mine, of course. Although I bet you can find someone in Vegas who would do that, too, for the right price.). And I could focus on myself and my husband. The fact that I was still longing for those things had me feeling terribly guilty and anxious. Did it mean I didn’t love my life here at home? I thought things were pretty good. You know, before I left reality for Las Vegas.

We’ve been home since Monday. We’re starting to get back into our routine. My eyes are no longer itchy and I’m already taking for granted that the air isn’t clouded with cigarette smoke. I’m soaking up hugs from DoodleBug (whose picture I stole looks at on my phone constantly while on vacation). I missed how she smells after bathtime…and staring at her hazel eyes…and the way she says “silly” without pronouncing any of the L’s. I’m glad to have the peace and quiet of our little country neighborhood, interrupted only by the sound of my daughter humming Ode to Joy while she dresses up her stuffed animals. Turns out I’m pretty glad to be home after all.

So I’m not going to let myself feel guilty for taking a few days just for me. For my husband’s family (congrats to the newlyweds!). And for my marriage. Vacations are a break from the daily grind. It makes complete sense that returning to that grind can be a tough transition, and I’m cutting myself some slack for feeling a little blue. Besides, I’m not pining for neon lights or the hypnotic midi music of the slot machines. It’s not the complete lack of responsibilty I’m missing. It’s the escape. The time to myself. The fun.

Hubs and I have come back from this trip remembering how much fun it is to spend quality time together. We’re both committed to setting a new routine that puts US back at the top of the priority list. There’s a new energy between us: more flirting, more cooperation, more understanding, more romance. It’s as if we somehow packed a little bit of Vegas in our carry-ons and brought it home.

The pictures? Would have been a nice. But this energy is the ultimate keepsake.

Because I Can

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:57:00 -0400

I’m oh-so-behind on the WEGO Health HAWMC Prompts. I knew I’d never get to all of them, but here I am being hard on myself. I even tried to long-hand some on the plane ride to Vegas, which was incredibly ambitious of me, considering I was living on dayquil and anxiety meds for the flight out there and took the red-eye back. I haven’t looked at what I wrote yet…could be medication/sleep deprivation-inspired genius. Or total nonsense. Probably the latter.

So forgive me for using a prompt from April 6th. But it’s the one that spoke to me today.

I write about my health because…

I didn’t mean to start writing about my health. When I began writing, it was just for me. I wanted to sort some things out and have some accountability for my journaling. Having an audience (even if it was only a few friends) gave my writing a purpose and I found my voice. My first real post was titled Learned Happiness and even though it began more as a philosophical reflection on happiness, it somehow ended up being about my experience with postpartum depression. The words kind of just typed themselves. Only a handful of people knew about what I had been through, so I literally took a deep breath before hitting “post”.

Two things happened as a result of that post. First, the response I got back was amazing. Friends and strangers emailed and commented to tell me how much they appreciated hearing about my struggle. They were grateful for the honesty and each of the comments was encouraging. It’s an amazing feeling to allow yourself to be so vulnerable and then get back nothing but love and respect. More importantly, when I hit “post” I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders - a lightening of my spirit. Writing about the postpartum depression took the last little bit of shame I had tucked away in the cobwebby spaces of my mind and shook it out like a dirty rug.

I wondered. If I can write about the postpartum depression, separating myself from it enough to let go of the shame, could I do the same with my anxiety? This was even harder, because the anxiety and mood swings aren’t over. They are still a part of who I am, and I usually work very hard to hide them.

With each new post, I felt terrified that sharing about my anxiety and mood swings would somehow lessen who I was to the friends and family reading it. I worried they would think less of me. But the opposite happened. Not only do I get the impression that they find me more interesting because of these weaknesses, but I feel stronger and more myself every time. Writing gives me a power over my condition.

I like that I am hacking away at stigma. I am honored to be spreading awareness for mental health disorders. But mostly, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to air my dirty laundry. Because everybody’s got some, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I used to think I would have to conquer my mental health issues before being happy. But here I am, writing about my experiences as a parent and a woman. Writing about learning to be happy despite those little demons sitting on my shoulders. Being honest about my daily struggles with mental health. Because I’m in a place (finally) where I can.

Smörgåsbord Sunday (on a Monday)

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:02:46 -0400

Yes, I know it’s Monday. At least I think it’s Monday. Is it Monday? I’ve been on Vegas time since Thursday and if there’s one lesson I took away from my trip, it’s that Vegas has the magical ability to make you forget the value of money and the passage of time. Several drunk nights, one fabulous wedding, a sunburn, and two shows later, I got in from the red-eye flight this afternoon. I know it’s hard to feel bad for someone who just got back from Las Vegas, but I’m hoping you’ll take pity on me for posting late this week. I’m beat.

Groceries last week were $68. But it was a short week because of the trip. So I’m not sure you can measure anything with that. I just can’t manage the energy to type out this week’s grocery lisalg;lkakjdh (see…just fell asleep with forehead on the keyboard). I’ll be back in full force next week - promise.

If this is your first visit to Smorgasbord Sunday, here’s the scoop: Post your menu for the week. Links to online recipes, if you got ‘em, would be great. (It’s up to you if you want to share your grocery list - I’m only sharing mine because I opened my big mouth and bragged about my cheap food bill.) You can put them in the comments, or link to your blog using the Simply Linked widget below. If you blog your menu, please link back to Learned Happiness, too.

This Week’s Menu

Monday - Frozen Pizza with Fresh Roasted Asperagus Spears (and green beans for the tot).
Tuesday - Vegetable Lasagna - I like this online recipe because I’ve substituted all kinds of things and it still comes out great. Sometimes I used jar sauce, sometimes I whip up a quick marinara using garlic and onions. If you buy the “no boil” noodles, it’s super-easy.
Wednesday - Black Bean Soup with Quesadillas - I’m not a huge Rachael Ray fan, but we play around with this recipe all the time and it’s never let me down. Hearty and good alone or for dipping, it’s a go-to meal for us. The toddler loves it (hooray for beans!) and it freezes well, too. For extra flavor, you can grill up some corn-on-the-cob or bell peppers before chopping and adding. I just use a big round griddle pan and some olive oil for toasting the quesadillas and melting the cheese. Serve with sour cream and your favorite hot sauce.
Thursday - Leftovers
Friday - Easy Bacon and Cheese Quiche - My favorite thing about quiche is that it makes such a yummy breakfast the next morning. I usually leave out the bacon, and use the bag-o-grated Swiss and grated (not the powdered stuff) Parmesan. It puffs up nicely in the oven and will need to sit for 10-15 minutes after you take it out so it can settle. Keep an eye on it. Quiche isn’t hard, but it is sensitive to different ovens. I’ll probably put chopped spinach in this week. Veggies!
Saturday - Grilled Chicken Breast with Spanish Rice and Beans - I use the McCormick packet of Chipotle Seasoning for this one, combining 1/2 a pack with some water and canola oil to make a simple marinade. Let sit for a couple of hours, grill up until juices run clear, and serve with rice and beans. Leftovers are great for fajita or burrito fillings!
Sunday - Leftovers
Monday (Patriot’s Day Holiday) - Hamburgers and Baked Fries with Mixed Veggies. It’s finally warm. We’re breaking out the gas grill and celebrating this strange New England-only holiday with burgers. Simply-seasoned, maybe a touch of Worcestershire Sauce, cooked by the hubby. It’s icing on the cake that he comes in smelling like the grill.

Health Activist Writer's Monthly Challenge

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 18:17:57 -0400

What, me? A health activist? How did that happen? But here I am, writing about my experiences in therapy, my battle with PPD, and my ongoing struggles with anxiety and mood swings. Blogging about all these things has kept me honest with myself about them - has allowed me to shed any last bit of shame I had. And I’d like to think that I’m making other women feel less alone, and maybe (just maybe) kicking mental-illness-stigma’s ass in the process.

My profound and inspiring friend, Melissa at Sweetly Voiced has convinced me to participate in WEGO Health Blog’s Health Activist Writer’s Monthly Challenge. I know I won’t be able to post for each daily prompt, but I’d like to think I’m meeting the challenge just by committing to raise awareness for my health cause. I can definitely do one a week, so I’m aiming for that instead.

Today’s prompt is to ask a question about your condition Yahoo! Answers-style and answer it. I hear this question a lot. From family…friends…well-meaning people.

Question: What are you so worried about? What’s wrong?

Answer: Nothing. Everything. Both. When you live with an anxiety disorder, although your worries may have root in reality, the anxiety does not. So on any given day, while I may be able to articulate a trigger for my anxiety, it can’t be just reasoned away. People want to know what’s wrong so they can fix it and help find a solution. I get that. But in my case, it just doesn’t work that way.

It may seem like a contradiction to see me visibly upset, but for there to not be a good reason. In my case, I usually know my anxiety is unwarranted, but can’t help it. It’s not uncommon to hear me tell someone, “I’m fine. I mean, I’m freaking out. But there’s nothing wrong. I’m fine.” And it’s the truth.

I’d rather people asked, “How are you?” because I am not my anxiety. I am a person suffering from anxiety. And I can’t even begin to tell you everything I’m so worried about. But I can tell you how I am, and how you can help me.

Smörgåsbord Sunday

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 13:00:07 -0400

If I had known I would get a recipe for Pork Wellington and Parmesan Dijon Chicken out of it, I would have started posting my weekly menu ages ago. Hubby named this little recipe swap Smörgåsbord Sunday. (Don’t ask me how to get those cool characters - I just ctl+c and ctl+v from wikipedia.) I like it. A little bit of everything. And as a bonus, it’s hard to spell (I bet I spell it incorrectly at least once a month…just you wait). If you’re new to Smörgåsbord Sunday, you can start Here for the first week of recipes.

Last week’s Vegetable Stew with Cornmeal Dumplings was pretty darn good. Super-yummy and hearty. Didn’t miss the meat one bit. The cornmeal dumplings were just okay. I suggest just whipping up a pan of cornbread (THIS recipe was nice and moist…just the right amount of sweet) and portioning it out into each bowl instead. The picky 2-year-old loved the stew - even ate the beans!

The Slow Cooker Curry was amazing….except it was too spicy. My bad. I added in the cayanne pepper and may have bought the spiciest curry powder I could find. I’d cut the allspice in half, too. But the coconut milk base was genious, and the chicken and veggies all came out perfectly-cooked and moist.

I spent $83 at the grocery store last week. Not too bad, considering I threw in some extra little things during the trip. I’ll be out of town (VEGAS, BABY!) for part of the week, so it’s a short menu week, and a cheap one, too (which is good, since I plan on gambling all my grocery store savings away anyway).

I was thrilled to actually get a few weekly menus back from some of my favorite people (love you girls!), and started to think of the menu-planning power there is in numbers. I’ll keep track and organize everyone’s menus and recipes if you’ll help contribute ideas.

So here are the rules: Post your favorite recipes for the week. Links to online recipes, if you got ‘em, would be great. (It’s up to you if you want to share your grocery list - I’m only sharing mine because I opened my big mouth and bragged about my cheap food bill.) You can put them in the comments, or link to your blog using the Simply Linked widget below (technology, don’t fail me now). If you blog your menu, please link back to Learned Happiness, too.

This Week’s Menu

Monday - Parmesan Dijon Chicken (thanks to Melissa over at Sweetly Voiced) with Green Beans and Baked Sweet Potato
Tuesday - Leftover Chicken Curry (leftover pasta and steamed veggies for the toddler).
Wednesday - This is a toddler-free night for us (thanks, Mimi!) but it’s still gotta be a quick dinner because we’ll be busy ~~learning how to count cards~~ packing for our trip. So let’s do “Grilled” Chicken Sandwiches (There’s still snow on the ground, people. Snow. So I have to grill them in my broiler. I have a gas oven, so it’s basically upside-down grilling.) with Oven-Baked Fries and Steamed Asperagus. I season chicken cutlets with some canola oil and seasoning (S&P works fine) and line a cookie sheet with tin foil. Set a cooling rack on the tinfoil to allow the chicken to drip, and grill close to the broiler for a few minutes on each side, until chicken juices run clear. At the last minute, toss a piece of swiss cheese onto each chicken cutlet to melt and throw in your buns to toast. We top ours with honey mustard dressing.

Grocery List

Greek yogurt
string cheese
sliced swiss cheese
sliced american cheese
small milk
lunchmeat
raisins
chicken breast
chicken cutlet
asperagus
apples
sweet potato
green beans
bread
juice for the toddler
M&M’s (yeah, baby)
snacks for the plane
honey bunny graham crackers
eggs (From the farm - It’s an extra stop, but the eggs are fresh, and they have a petting zoo! I freaking love New England.)

Your turn. Don’t leave me hangin’!

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 09:49:00 -0400

I’m new to this whole blogging thing. I never really understood the point - why would I want to read a weblog about someone I’ve never met? And then I had my baby. I felt so alone. There were things I couldn’t say to my IRL friends…moms who seemed to have it all figured out. I don’t remember how I stumbled on my first blog, but I distinctly remember reading this on Baby Rabies about the myth of supermom. Jill’s honesty changed my world. I was hooked - and found a community of women who are changing the culture of motherhood one post a time. They’ll never know how much they helped me, truly.

Recently, I saw Brene Brown’s TED talk about vulnerability and decided to take a deep breath and share my story. I want to contribute to this community of moms, make the truth less frightening, and share my experiences living with anxiety and a mood disorder. I’m not sure exactly what category I fit into, but I’m alright with that. I’m just writing about what makes me happy. A little bit about my family, a little bit about cooking & reading & crafting, even more about my 2-year-old daughter DoodleBug, and a lot about what I’m learning about myself and mental health while fumbling through this thing called parenting.

So Hi! I’m Susan. I’m a wife of 8 years, mother to an amazing 2-year old girl, a music teacher, and recent New England transplant. I think this post is probably the best way to get to know me, and where I’m coming from. And there are adorable toddler pictures here and here. That first one includes butterfly wings, a tutu, and a monkey wearing a glove hat - you know you wanna see it. ;)

I’ve been blogging for a few months now, and am excited about the new friends I’m meeting and the clarity that writing for the blogosphere has brought my life. It’s a work-in-progress, but I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far and look forward to wherever this takes me. Thanks to Susan and Janice at 5 Minutes For Mom for hosting the party! Looking forward to a great week!

Won’t you please take a moment to say hello?

I’ve always loved the magic time between bath and bed. ...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 22:10:00 -0400

I’ve always loved the magic time between bath and bed. The smell of J&J babywash, purple plaid fleece pajama pants, singing the goodnight song and talking about our day. Magic.

Tonight I popped the nightshirt over the top of her head, she pushed her arms through the sleeves, and then she looked me straight in the eyes, reached over, and honked. my. nose.

I adore that she finally knows how funny she is. It’s delightful watching her sense of humor…and sense of self develop.

I wish I had a picture of those purple plaid pajamas. For now, this will do.

Yes, DB, that’s exactly what Mommy meant when I asked you to say “cheese”. Lovely.

Sunday Night Menu Planning

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:58:00 -0400

Update: One of the recipes linked incorrectly (totally my fault). Everything should link to the right place, now. =) Also, reviewed the veggie stew (below).

So a few folks responded to my Pork Burgers post with curiosity. How do you shop for $75 a week? What are you eating each week? Will you grocery shop for me? (No to that last one. I may be good at it, but I hate it as much as you do.) If I wasn’t on the good ol’ internet hacking my privacy to pieces one blog post a time, y’all would be stalkers. But I suppose it might be time to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

I’m sitting here like I do every Sunday evening after DB goes to bed, filling in my Weekly Family Calendar (thanks to Jill at Baby Rabies for posting a link to it like a year ago) with our activites for the week, AND our meals. Since I have to do this each Sunday anyway, I figured I might as well post it. Who knows? Maybe blogging about it will make it more enjoyable. Right?

I actually hate filling it out. And even with it we have nights where I have no idea what’s for dinner. But it’s the feather in my cap, people. It makes me believe I can handle the week. You know - because I have a plan.

I think I’m supposed to have a catchy name for a weekly post. You know, like “Wordless Wednesday”, or “Purgeday Thursday”, or “Topless Tuesday”. But I can’t think of anything. Would love some help!

This Week’s Menu

Monday - Canned Vegetable Soup and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. Monday is a tough night for us. Everyone gets home so late and is wiped. Usually I have soup in the deep freezer. Not this week.
Tuesday - Pasta with Marinara Sauce (I’m loving the new Barilla whole grain pasta choices!), Meatballs (deep freeze), Frozen Green Beans. Can’t wait until winter is gone and we can have yummy fresh veggies again.
Wednesday - Black Bean Soup and Quesadillas. This is a go-to meal for us. I’ll post a link to my recipe one of these weeks when I have time.
Thursday - Vegetable Stew With Cornmeal Dumplings. A new recipe! Hope it’s good. Will let you know. ***Super-yummy and hearty. Didn’t miss the meat one bit. Next the cornmeal dumplings were just okay. I suggest just whipping up a pan of cornbread (THIS recipe was nice and moist…just the right amount of sweet) and portioning it out into each bowl instead.***
Friday - Eat Out. Hooray for no dishes!!!
Saturday - Leftovers. Pasta? Stew? The suspense is killing me!
Sunday - Slow Cooker Chicken Curry with Basmati Rice. Also a new recipe.

When I’m making a menu, I try to have only 3 meals with meat (usually chicken or fish). We get plenty of protein between eggs in the morning, beans in the soups, lunchmeat, and greek yogurt. Cutting back on the meat helps us cut the budget (and the waistline!) And I tend to alternate weeks of making big meals to freeze with weeks of leftovers. I’m hoping both new slowcooker recipes will be delicious and to get 3-4 meals out of each!

This Week’s Grocery List

mexican blend shredded cheese
greek yogurt (toddler breakfast/snack)
grated parmesan cheese
low-fat sour cream
sliced swiss cheese
string cheese
OJ
FF milk (me) and 1% milk (FF milk-haters)
raisin boxes
fruit/veggie juice mix
nutragrain bars
bran flakes
diced tomatos (2 cans)
great northern beans (1 can)
pickled jalepenos
coconut milk (1 can)
curry powder
oreos (Last week I accidentally bought double-stuff. It. Was. Awesome.)
sprite
junior mints
hamburger buns
chicken thighs (6-8) Love how cheap these are!
frozen green beans (9 oz)
frozen peas
mushrooms
small onion
2 small potatos
garlic head
small piece ginger (anyone else feel guilty breaking off only what they need?)
apples
grapes
butternut squash

Add your week’s menu! Use the comments or the link tool below! Can’t wait to see what’s for dinner!

Book Review: Playful Parenting

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:46:00 -0400

When DB was an infant, I turned to baby-care and parenting books out of insecurity and fear. Between the postpartum depression, Doodlebug’s reflux and milk allergy, and my recurring clogged milk ducts, I was desperate for answers. Each book only made matters worse, increasing my anxiety and making me feel less secure as a mother. When I was brave enough to put down the books and just trust my instinct, it turned out I did a pretty good job.

Now my self-confidence as the parent of a toddler is solid. Although I make mistakes every day, on the whole, I know I am raising a happy and well-adjusted child. More importantly, I’m doing what works for my family.

It’s in this healthy state-of-mind that I’ve started enjoying parenting books again. But I choose carefully, and keep in mind that the authors of each book do not know me. They do not know my family. And they do not know my child. I decide how much weight to give each new parenting idea, which is a powerful idea in itself.

I’d like to take time to review each of the books here. Mostly just to aid me while I process what I have read, but perhaps to help someone else who is looking for new ideas about raising a child. And also to start some healthy, constructive discussions - I love hearing what works and doesn’t work for other people.

The first book I’m reviewing is Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen (the link is to Amazon). The basic premise of the book is that play is important to a child’s psychological development, and that many parents are unsure of how to really play with their children. Let me start by saying that Cohen spends the majority of the book discussing school-age children, but that the concepts behind the narratives and theories are applicable for those of us who have toddlers (and even infants).

Cohen asserts that like a lion cub’s play fine-tunes its skills for life in the wilderness, a child’s play is a way for them to make sense of the world around them.

“Play is important, not just because children do so much of it, but because there are layers and layers of meaning to even the most casual play.”

Children use play to connect. They use play as a safe method of testing their strengths and weaknesses, and to practice new skills. And most importantly, they use it to work though hurt and fear. Cohen uses narratives of his time as a play therapist and parent to both explain the principles of the book and provide strategies for parents to use with their own children.

Cohen’s writing style is accessible and friendly in tone. Not once did I feel like I was being talked down to or being lectured on the best way to parent. He uses examples of his own parenting mistakes to help explain how play has helped him interact with his own children. And the narratives about different children not only thoroughly explain each concept, but make it clear that his approach takes into consideration that each child (and parent) is different. This is not a one-size-fits-all kind of parenting guide.

I particularly liked the sections devoted to how playful parenting can aid in discipline.

“In the rush to punish children, we forget that the essence of discipline is to teach.”

Timeouts rarely work with my 2 year old these days, and we don’t use corporal punishment in our home. So then what do you do? Using play to deescalate conflicts and let DB work out her frustration (in conjunction with the natural consequences we were already following through on) has made our whole house a happier one. Now, instead of fighting her in a parking lot when she doesn’t want to hold hands, I might tell her to pretend we are trying to sneak up to the car and we have to tiptoe. Or we’ll play follow the leader. It may not always work, but at least I have more tricks in my bag now. He also suggests “meetings on the couch” in place of time out - I have yet to put this into practice and try it out, but it peaked my curiosity. I have a feeling it will be better suited to our family when DB is a little older.

The biggest impact this book had on my parenting has been the change in the way I play with DB. I know I’m not the only parent who often finds toddler games either silly or mind-numbing. Knowing that the play has purpose (beyond just annoying me) inspired me to throw myself into the play, really focusing on her. While engaging with DB, I can see the bigger picture - the development behind the play, and that makes it more interesting for me. And more importantly, after only a day of more direct, whole-hearted play, she was a much easier kid to parent. She handled frustration more easily, was more willing to listen and follow directions, and just seemed happier. Cohen describes it as “filling up their cup of love”. I grant you that sounds terribly cheesy, but it totally worked with my daughter.

Other topics that resonated with me were how play fosters confidence, using play to address gender stereotypes, handling fear and anxiety, encouraging emotional literacy, and letting children direct the games they want to play.

I highly recommend this book. And although its narrative format doesn’t make it a great quick reference, it’s a book I’ll reread periodically when I need to be inspired to really connect with my child.

disclaimer: I bought the book on my own from Amazon, and am reviewing it on my own, with no compensation for the review or the link above. Which is too bad, because it would be crazy-awesome if they paid me to do this. Also, it’s not lendable from my Kindle, which is a bummer.